Institutionalized Koala Ramblings » Depressing

back.

koala — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 22:10:35 +0000

Well. I’m back in lab. Somewhat depressed. Disappointed in love again.

It wouldn’t have worked out between the Blue Nose Bandit and me. For starters, she never told me her real name. We’re different species, and I suspect she was seeing other bunnies when she wasn’t posing with me.

Still, I’ll never forget that one happy day in the arboretum after she finished threatening me with scissors. We sat by the water and cuddled a bit. Then she danced for me.

I’ll miss her…

When animals attack.

koala — Sat, 13 Sep 2008 00:41:39 +0000

So FASEE thought it would be funny if Tubby the Hippo sat on me. Tubby, being the dumb panderer that he is, happily complied. I told him to get the hell off repeatedly, as he was putting most of his weight around my THROAT and forcing the air out of my lungs with his fat butt, but he just droned, “Listen to the Customer!” I tried telling him that FASEE is not a customer; she’s a sadistic psychopath who clearly hates all animals, but I bet you can guess what Tubby gave as a response.

Don’t believe me? MASEE, who I’d considered friendly and kind (because he enabled my Australian stowaway experience) did nothing to help. Instead he took these humiliating photos. Can you see the misery in my eyes?

If I had claws, Tubby would be nothing but a pile of shredded rubber.

Japan – Day 1

koala — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 16:12:13 +0000

The female put me in her purse, as if I’m one of those spoiled midget dogs that people consider so fashionable to tote around. The plane was delayed, but that didn’t dampen my excitement. The female read some modern Russian history book, on account of the many wars and revolutions that made it interesting. I stayed squished in the bag. Ugh.

On the plane, I was squished between the female and this corpulent mass of a man who spilled over into her seat. Humans are odd creatures. If a koala ever got that fat, he would be unable to cling to the trees and would be snuffed out by predators who are more fit. Humans don’t have to worry about that. Well, this human had to worry about how he’d wedge himself in the tiny seat and how he’d squeeze himself out, I suppose.

I slept most of the flight, so there aren’t many pictures, but I did manage to wake up and get a picture of myself when we landed.

Narita airport smells faintly of smoke in the lobby area. The female finally let me out so I could stretch my legs for a bit. We ventured outside briefly and ducked back in immediately because the cigarette smoke was so overpowering. Aside from that, the airport is really nice and clean. And there’s lots of vending machines!!

Grace came to pick us up and I was forced to pose with her. I did not appreciate her look of disgust. That’s just rude.

Grace led us to the Narita express, because some accident had closed down the train that she usually took. We stopped for a vending machine treat (hot green tea!)

Then we got on the train where the humans looked through magazines with photos of really good food and then there was one unsavory picture.

And then they took me out for dinner, but they were too busy paying attention to the food to take pictures of me in the really oddly (as in really unexpected body parts) decorated restaurant, aside from this.

And that’s all I have for today!

It’s been a while

koala — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 23:24:21 +0000

Davis is really rainy in winter, which only makes me miss the beaches and sun of Australia even more. I was moved temporarily to a more comfortable location when the female’s hard drive died and she was moving her monitors around. Now I’m back to being partially squished by a shelf and clinging on with a chin and two stubby arms to the top of the monitor.

There’s been several fire alarms in the building and two power outages lately. In all instances the female LEFT ME to my certain doom. I thought she cared? I was so happy when I overheard her talking to my stowaway adventure enabler about how she was going to take me with her to Japan and Korea. And then this. This blatant abandonment and utter lack of concern for my well-being is disturbing. I could have BURNED. BURNED!!! Or suffocated from the poisonous gases.

Humans suck.

tons of visitors

koala — Wed, 10 Oct 2007 00:38:50 +0000

Orientation: Upside Down

There’s tons of new people walking in and out and playing with the iPhone today. I tried playing with it when the humans were on a lunch break today, but my paws are too big and I couldn’t do anything except press the Home and Sleep buttons. The touchscreen didn’t work… which made me realize that I’m stuffed and not actually flesh and blood like other koalas. Does this make me a ghost? I feel alive… I feel like a computer scientist. I know where I was born and when I emigrated from Australia. Has my entire life been a lie??

WHO AM I?? WHAT AM I?